Being a Single Mother By Choice

In the fast paced modern world, many women are finding themselves in prime child-conceiving years, without a mate.  While some may see this is an unfortunate circumstance, there is a new trend emerging: single motherhood by choice.

Gone are the days of stigma surrounding single motherhood.  Many women are changing their outlook on the typical family of three, and starting on a journey to birth on their own.  Deep in their hearts they know that they are ready for motherhood without the help from a partner.  This process takes time, money, and planning; not to mention emotional strength.   Being a single mother by choice comes with a definite stigma.  Dealing with critical reactions and questioning attitudes will be the new normal.  Being confident in your decision, and having financial and emotional fortitude will help you overcome the nay-sayers.  Doctors may turn you away, and friends may drop off the radar.  Be prepared.  The friends that are supportive and loving despite their personal views on your decisions are friends you should keep.

Finding a sperm donor may be one of the toughest decisions to make on your road to becoming a single mother.  Check with local banks and online resources to find a sperm donor that fits your criteria.  IVF and other fertility procedures can be involved and painful; but this is a small price to pay for the reward of holding your child in your arms.  Talk with your doctor about the best options available for you based on your age, health, and lifestyle.

When planning your future, make sure to have back-up plans in place.  This includes saving up enough money to survive for at least 3 months in case of employment issues.    This emergency fund should include every expense: from insurance to groceries.

Another important aspect of being a single mother is having support efforts in place.  There are many community groups for single mothers.  Search local online group listings along with community calendars to find some play groups and single mother support efforts.  There are many internet forums as well that offer mothers a private, judgement-free environment to seek support and advice.

Being a single mother is difficult; make sure to have time for yourself.  This time can be for reading a book, getting pampered at a local spa, or taking a well deserved nap.  Single mothers need time to unwind just as much as married mothers.

A male role model is important in a child’s life; this is undisputable.  If you don’t have a male role model suitable in your life, ask friends and family to introduce you.  Always get background checks on anyone you leave your children alone with; babysitters or friends.  Let your children grow close to these male influences; encourage them to emulate their role models.

Above all, be proud of yourself and your child.  Foster an environment of love and learning.  No matter how difficult situations may become, be confident in your decision to become a single mother, and share your love and strength with your new family.

Baby Proofing Your Home

When your baby arrives, your days are spent changing diapers, pacifying cries, and hands-on play.  Many parents overlook the baby-proofing stage until the child is already able to pull up or grab grandma’s heirloom china off of the bookshelf.  This is quite understandable, as the first months will literally fly by, but this is the best time to take a few hours each week to overhaul your house into a baby friendly haven.  When first tackling baby proofing, go room by room and make a list of what you need to get.  Go online to find products that aren’t available in stores.  Always make sure to buy extra, as little items like outlet covers tend to get lost.  Here are a few tips when baby proofing your home, listed by area:

Entire Home:

• Move all items you do not want pulled onto the floor.  This can include lamps, knick knacks, or computers.  Moving these items to unreachable areas is an important part of avoiding injuries.
• Secure all cords so your child cannot chew or pull on them.
• Install drawer locks.  There are drawer locks available for every type of drawer.  Put locks on all drawers and cabinets to ensure your child doesn’t open the cupboard to dangerous chemicals or sharp objects.
• Use doorknob covers.  While doorknob covers may seem inconvenient, having your toddler lock themselves in a room is terrifying.  Install child-proof door knobs or dead bolts onto all doors that lead outside.  You can also purchase doorframe shields to help protect your child’s fingers from swiftly closing doors.
• Install outlet covers over each outlet to prevent your child from attempting to shove items into the outlets.
• Put gates at the bottom and top of each staircase.  If your handrails have gaps larger than 3 inches, install a transparent handrail guard.  

Nursery:

• Anchor all of baby’s furniture to the wall.  Over 19,000 children are admitted to the emergency room after a tip-over accident; some tragically ending in death.  Even a 5 year old can mistakenly pull too hard on a dresser drawer, or try to retrieve something from the top of the furniture and become trapped underneath.  Purchase furniture anchors or straps that secure the furniture to the wall.

Living Room:

• Install edge cushioning around sharp corners found on coffee tables, end tables, or entertainment centers.
• If you have a fireplace, install a fireplace guard or gate to keep curious children away from ashes and smoke inhalation.  
• Use furniture straps or wall-anchors to secure furniture to the wall.
• Always keep recliners in the closed position when not in use.

Kitchen:

• Make sure all cutlery, silverware, chemicals, and alcohol are out of reach.  Lock them in cabinets using the aforementioned cabinet locks
• Install a stove guard to prevent your child from burning themselves; and install knob guards to keep your child from turning the stove on.  Try to use the back burners to cook as often as possible.  
• Remove all swinging lids from trash cans and replace them with solid lids to prevent your child from getting into the garbage.

Bathroom:

• Install a toilet lock.  Children can drown in unsecured toilets.
• Turn your water heater down to 120 or below to avoid scalding.  Always test the water in the bathtub before bathing your child.
• If needed, install faucet and knob covers.
• As with the kitchen, always make sure that medicines, chemicals, and electrical items are in a locked drawer/cabinet and inaccessible to your child.
• Purchase non-slip mats and bathroom rugs to avoid slips and falls.

Garage:

• A garage should be off-limits to children, as most garages contain chemicals, sharp objects, and electrical appliances-not to mention vehicles.  But just in case, install a sensor on your garage door that enables it to sense when something is in its path when closing or opening.
• Install a child-proof doorknob to keep children out of the garage.

Many parents will believe that these tips are extreme.  But investing in these safeguards now will help keep your child safe from dangers that you may not be aware of before it’s too late.

Teaching Your Child Financial Wisdom

So many people find themselves in credit nightmares and debt pits, it’s amazing to learn that their credit problems usually stem from an improper knowledge of how credit and debt works.  Learning how to manage money is simple; however, if you don’t learn this skill at a young age, you may very well be setting yourself up for failure.  Teaching your children financial basics and how to save money is an incredibly important lesson.

There are many products on the market to help teach your child how to save money, but you don’t have to spend in order to save.  Financial wisdom is something you teach by example.  Implementing a savings strategy in your home is the best way to instill financial knowledge into your child.

Teaching your child to spend money wisely includes actively involving them in the spending process.  If you are going grocery shopping, be clear with your child in the amount you are budgeting to spend.  “I’m planning to spend $200 on groceries today.  We’re going to calculate our groceries as we shop to make sure we don’t go over” is a good start.  But always follow through.  If your budget is $200, stick to it!  The point to drive home is that you don’t spend more than you budget for.

When it comes to saving money, it’s important to teach your child that the money you put aside for saving is for FUTURE use.  Many families adopt the 10/10/10 savings plan.  10% for short term savings, 10% for mid-term savings (or tithes), and 10% for long term savings.  The 10% for short term savings may be for a small appliance, or school clothes shopping.  The key here is that you’re simple saving the money for a short amount of time.  10% for mid-term savings may be for a new set of tires for the car, or a larger appliance.  10% for long term savings may be for a vacation, a new car, or a new home.  You must, however, be the example, and teach your child that these savings “accounts” are not to be touched until their intended use is due.  The reward is priceless when you’re able to pull out the savings you’ve accrued and are able to show your child how that 10% has slowly accrued into your savings goal!

If you are currently facing money problems, or have credit issues, don’t add your child onto you credit accounts.  However, if your credit score is average to outstanding, add your child to your credit account.  You don’t even have to give them a card-just add their name as an authorized user.  This will allow you to build credit for them!

Also, teach your child about how credit works.  A credit card is NOT free money.  Teach your child (usually teens) about the basics of interest rates and an APR.  This can be as simple as when your child asks to borrow money.  Give them a “credit” loan with a written out interest rate and an APR.  Write out, on a calendar, how that interest rate compounds; and how a $10 loan can quickly go to $15, $20, and even $50 when not paid back on time!

It is incredibly important for parents to teach their children how to responsibly manage money.  Their financial future depends on you!

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Pregnancy: Ten Things You Don’t Need To Buy For the Nursery

Walking to a baby store can be overwhelming!  When the staff harries you with registry paperwork, scanning gun, and recommended lists, you end up wondering what you really need-and what will sit unopened in your nursery.  Some products line the shelves to simply lure you in under the guise of being needed.  But here’s a list of ten things to never put in that cart!

1) Disposable diapers!  Cloth diapering is making a HUGE comeback.  Gone are the days of safety pins and trash-bag like covers.  Cloth diapers come in ADORABLE prints and are incredibly easy to use-you can even put a flush-able liner in to catch the poop!  Not only are they easy, but they’ll save you TONS of money!

2) Hooded towels and baby robes.  Really, no baby keeps their head in these contraptions.  The hoods are always too big, and they never stay in the towel long enough to make them worth it!  Baby robes are even worse.

3) Incredibly expensive bedding.  Face it: those first few months your baby will likely be in your bed most of the time, and won’t even enjoy their fancy bedding.  There are many places to get cheaper bedding, and you can always shop clearance racks!  Your child will have no idea their bedding doesn’t match the décor.

4) Bassinet.  Bassinets may seem very convenient on the floor of that big baby store, but you’ve only got a few precious months before your bundle of joy is looking over the edge and squirming to get out.  A bassinet may be comfortable for naps, but children quickly outgrow them. 

5) Changing Table.  While you may have every intention of using that cute little changing table, with it’s plush fabric and the secure safety strap, most parents will opt to change on the floor, on the couch, or on the bed.  This is one product that will likely just be a piece you don’t need.

6) Baby Bathtub.  Now you may use your baby bathtub once or twice, but really, the reality its that babies don’t need full on baths.  They’ll squirm and scream-and the last thing you want to do is worry about keeping that cute whale shaped bathtub in place during the wash down.  Your sink will do just as well for a bath-as will a wipe down with a washcloth!

7) Diaper genie.  Diaper Genies were all the rage when they came out, but really, all they leave you with is one huge caterpillar looking bundle of stinky diapers.  A diaper pail with a lid does just as well.  And since you’re going to cloth diaper anyway, a diaper genie isn’t needed!

8) Shoes.  Guess what?  Babies don’t wear shoes!  While there are all sorts of expensive shoes out there for newborns, the last thing you need is ANOTHER article of clothing to put on them.  Save money by opting out of footwear.  It’s outgrown too quickly, and isn’t used until they can walk!  Stick with socks!

9) Expensive Outfits.  Sure, your baby will look cute for five whole minutes in that adorable outfit, but really, you’ll be changing clothes quite often, so stick with the bare essentials.  You’ll probably get tons of adorable clothes at your baby shower, so don’t splurge on clothes!

10) Baby Shampoo/Toiletries.  While many babies get stinky, it’s no cause to scour them down with unnecessary detergents.  While they may smell good, many of the chemicals in baby products are over the top.  Stick with just water and lotion!  Always check for allergic reactions to toiletry products as well.  Baby’s skin doesn't need harsh chemicals!

Babies are a billion dollar a year market, that has been plagued by unnecessary spending.  Save your hard earned money for the more important things!

Natural Fertility Treatments to Explore

When it comes to dealing with infertility, many couples are deeply and forever impacted by their journey.  From tests to injections and long waiting periods, the time you spend trying to get pregnant is anything but easy.  While medical experts do their best to give those that want to conceive their dream of pregnancy, there is still a gigantic hole in the knowledge about fertility.

There are an incredible number of causes for infertility.  Some women have hormonal causes that lead to fertility concerns such as high FSH, PCOS, and ovulation problems.  Others have mechanical or physical causes like scarring, adhesions, or blocked fallopian tubes.  Many women have a combination of the two, while for some, the cause remains a mystery; leaving them with a diagnosis of “unexplained infertility.”

Approximately 6,000,000 U.S. women are currently diagnosed with infertility. Forty percent (2.4 million) are infertile due to the mechanical causes mentioned above.   40 percent have “medical or hormonal” infertility.  Twenty percent are diagnosed infertile due to “unexplained” causes, which is often a combination of the other two. While your doctor and specialists may try a myriad of treatments and therapies, there are natural approaches you can take to further your chances of getting pregnant.

Physical Therapy, including massage therapy, is one of the top natural treatments recommended for those wanting to add a natural aspect to their fertility treatment.  Physical therapy can improve IVF rates and natural fertility by helping promote hormonal balance, get rid of toxins, and help increase endocrine system communication.  There is even a self-massage option you can do at home!

Reiki is also shown to help promote overall health, including reproductive health.   By decreasing stress levels and removing toxins from your system, Reiki can be beneficial for those trying to conceive.  It is also a wonderful therapy for pregnant women, as it may relieve morning sickness and labor pains.

Vitamins like B6 have been shown to lengthen your luteal phase and increase the chances of implantation.   For men struggling with infertility, Vitamin C has been shown to increase sperm quality motility.  Zinc is known to increase sperm count and testosterone levels.

Chaste berry is an herb used to lengthen the luteal phase and lower levels of prolactin.  Chaste berry does take months to have an effect, so keep that in mind.  Don Quai can also increase your estrogen levels and increase the chances of implantation. Evening primrose oil can increase the production and quality of your cervical mucus, which will help the sperm move to the egg.  One note of caution, however:  Only take evening primrose oil from menstruation to ovulation, because it is known to cause uterine contractions, which could negatively affect a newly fertilized egg.

Lifestyle changes can also help your chances of conceiving.  Caffeine has been shown to limit the contractions of the muscles that move the fertilized egg into the uterus.  Also, sleeping with complete darkness can help your mucous cycle.

Before starting any of these natural fertility treatments, consult your doctor.  Every person is different, and the situation leading to infertility is individual.  What may help one person may not help another, so getting recommendations from your doctor before starting any natural avenue is highly advised.

What Is Sperm Donor Screening? How Is It Performed?

When a man decides to become a sperm donor, the process involves much more than just going to a sperm bank and collecting a payment.  There is a stringent screening process that will negate 95% of men.  You read that right-only 5% of men are eligible to donate sperm!  This article will entail sperm donor screening, along with what will disqualify you as a donor.

There are around 150 sperm banks throughout the United States; most of which are located near colleges.  Males between the ages of 20-40 are the most frequent to donate sperm, as men in this age group are the most virile.  Locating a sperm bank near a college allows the bank to collect sperm from intelligent, active males within a community.

Prior to donating sperm, you will have a large amount of paperwork to fill out.  Once the paperwork is completed, there are a number of interviews the potential donor must go through: the applicant must answer questions about their sexual behavior, family background, and the reason for donating sperm.  They must fill out a very detailed personal attributes list, which outlines characteristics such as height, weight, eye color, and blood type.  Questions about family history will be asked-going so far back as three generations.  This information is used to determine if any inheritable diseases that may be passed down to the donation recipient.

If the paperwork goes through the screening process, medical tests will follow.  The doctor at the bank will perform a routine physical, along with taking pictures-and you guessed it-more paperwork.  You will typically have to fill out a personal biography, along with answering some questions about your personality.  A sufficient amount of blood will be drawn in order to test for genetic abnormalities and infectious diseases.  These tests include, but are not limited to: HIV, all forms of Hepatitis, ABO-Rh blood typing, cystic fibrosis, Syphilis, and Chlamydia.  African American donors will also be screened for sickle cell anemia.  Jewish and French Canadian donors will be screened for Tay-Sachs.  This screening can take anywhere from six weeks to a year to complete.  This is not an exhaustive list of diseases which donors are tested for; contact your local sperm bank for a specific list of diseases.

If a donor passes the rigorous screening process, they will be allowed to donate sperm as often as the bank allows you to.  Each bank has individual rules regarding frequency of donation.  Once the sperm sample is collected, the sperm is “Washed” and observed for sperm mobility.  The sample is then frozen for 6 months and the donor is re-tested for any STI’s.

Each sperm bank keeps detailed records on the use and implementation of the sperm.  On average, it takes 2-5 donations to produce enough viable sperm to be used in an IVF procedure.  Each sperm bank has their own rules regarding the number of children a sperm donor may father.

The payment for sperm samples can vary greatly depending on the region and bank.  Typically, one can expect a payment of $50-110 per donation.

While the process for becoming a sperm donor can be arduous, the individuals who do donate are usually satisfied with the experience as well as the payment, and make it a regular part of their weekly routine.

Megan Wilson is a stay at home mom, blogger, and freelance writer.  She frequently writes for Family Cord as well.

Photo Credit: frostnova via Compfight cc

Morning Sickness Cures: What You Can Do

 

Discovering the news that you’re expecting can be an incredible time; everything from sharing the news to feeling the first kicks-pregnancy is an incredible journey.  Most women, however, will endure times during their pregnancy where they feel less than incredible!

During the first trimester, morning sickness kicks in.  50-80% of mothers to be will experience morning sickness.  Morning sickness can occur anytime during the day (And some may suffer from morning sickness all day), and the vomiting can be coupled by dizziness and fatigue.  There are quite a few products out there to help battle morning sickness, along with at home remedies to try. 

Ginger is proven to help fight morning sickness, and is available as candied ginger or in lozenge form.  Vitamin B-6 is also well known to ease nausea, and can be found in many “Morning sickness relief” lozenges, lollipops and even popsicles.  If swallowing the prenatal vitamins is difficult, you can also find chewable alternatives.  There are pressure bands that also may help relieve morning sickness.

As far as easing the nausea at home, there are quite a few tips and tricks you can employ to find relief.  Before going to bed at night, put a package of saltine crackers beside your bed.  When you get up in the morning, eat a few crackers before letting your feet hit the ground.  The crackers help absorb any extra stomach acid lurking in wait to make an unpleasant appearance first thing in the morning.  You can also try eating plain, whole-wheat crackers, pretzels, or plain popcorn.

Don’t eat large meals.  Instead of having three large meals a day, split it up into 5 or 6 small meals to keep your stomach from getting taxed after eating too much at one sitting.  Also, drink and eat separately; don’t drink during your meal, but afterward, to also help avoid large bulks of fluid and food from sitting in your stomach.

It may be easier to skip food altogether, and incorporate a liquid diet for a few days.  Broths, bullion, and fruit juices may help keep you from running to the restroom.  Always consult your doctor before starting a liquid diet.

While keeping in mind the state of your stomach, consider switching your diet to complex carbohydrates and bland foods.  Breads, pastas, rice, potatoes, and crackers can all help your stomach remain happy and comfortable.

Try to incorporate some exercise into your daily routine, but don’t over-do it!  Refrain from any sudden movements, as they may cause dizziness.

There are some simple morning sickness cures that may be sitting in your cupboard as well!  As you may be finding out, certain smells may trigger morning sickness.  Try carrying a sachet of dried herbs around with you to grab in case your co-worker brings in that fast food!

Fennel and dill are known to soothe the stomach.  You can make dill tea or fennel tea by crushing a teaspoon of the herb and steeping it in boiling water.  Sip as needed.

Hydration is extremely important while pregnant.  Always be sure to get your water intake up to stay hydrated.  Dehydration is a known cause of morning sickness.

Some mothers to be swear that having a few potato chips on the onset of morning sickness helps alleviate the symptoms.  Be careful with this, though, as the fat from potato chips is hard to digest and may worsen the symptoms.

High-protein foods like nuts and nut butters may also help your stomach.  Peanut butter toast, or peanut butter on crackers may be worth a try.

Fruits and vegetables can also go miles in helping increase your liquid intake.  Snacking on melons, lettuce, cucumbers, grapes, and any other fruits and veggies can help keep you hydrated and happy!

Smelling citrus fruit may also help dissipate nausea.  Adding citrus to your tea is a good idea as well.

Peppermint is known to banish morning sickness; carrying around a few peppermint candies around with you can also help your stomach feel back to normal.

No matter what works and what doesn’t, always make sure to brush your teeth if you vomit.  The acid from bile will erode your teeth, causing even bigger, longer-lasting problems than the morning sickness!  If morning sickness extends past the third month, or if you notice you’re starting to lose weight or vomit blood, contact your doctor immediately!

 

Megan Wilson is a stay at home mom, blogger, and freelance writer.  She frequently writes for CryoBank.

Photo Credit: SweetOnVeg via Compfight cc